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Friday, August 15, 2014

Oilfield Joke: The Company Man....

A company man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a Man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am."

The Man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be a Drilling Engineer," said the Company Man. 

"I am," replied the Man,
"How did you know?"

"Well," answered the Company Man, "everything you told me is, technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,
you've delayed my trip."

The Drilling Engineer below responded, "You must be a Company Man." "I am," replied the Company Man, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the Drilling Engineer, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
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    Tuesday, August 5, 2014

    Oilfield Joke: Two Roughnecks Leave a Bar....

    Two hard working rough necks left the bar after a long night of drinking at a back woods bar and got into their truck. 

       Jed was driving and he started it up. After a couple of minutes of driving, an old man's face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. 

     Jake screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!" Jed stomped on the accelerator to speed up, but the face stayed in the window. 

     Jake rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"

     The old man softly replied, "You got a cigarette?" 

     Jake handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to Jed, rolling up the window in terror.

     A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing. 

     Jed said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry... the speedometer says we're doing 80 now." 

     All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared.

     "There he is again," Jake yelled. He rolled down the window and shakily said, "Yes?"

     "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked. Jake threw a lighter out the window saying, "Step on it!"

     Now The speedometer showed they were driving about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more tapping.

     "Oh my God! He's back!" Jake rolled down the window and screamed in stark terror, "ARGHHHHHHH WHAT NOW?"

     The old man gently replied, "Hey, Do you guys want some help getting your truck out of the mud?"
    Registration is OPEN for the last 3 Oilfield Appreciation Events!
    Do not miss these opportunities to bring your customers have some Sporting Clay Fun and win some great door prizes! While supporting Oilfield Workers Health, Education and Welfare efforts. 




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      Info@OilfieldAppreciation.com or by phone at 800-277-1647
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      Wednesday, July 2, 2014

      Oilfield Joke: Working in the Marcellus is a little different...

      Three dirt contractors were bidding on building a drilling location in the Marcellus Shale located within the city limits of a large metropolitan area.

       One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Kansas. Both the contractor from Texas and Kansas were new to doing business in the Marcellus and were ready to bid the job to get it. 

       The young City Administrator was very eager to get the project started and was happy to have the three contractors bidding on this work.
      First the Kansas dirt contractor took his measurements, went away to make some calls and came back and said, "I figure the job will run about $9000. I bid $4000 for materials, $4000 for my crew, and $1000 profit for me."
      Next was the Texas dirt contractor. He also took out his measurements, went away to make some calls and with a confident smile said, "Looks like I can do this job for $7000. I bid $3000 for materials, $3000 for my crew, and $1000 profit for me."
      Finally, the City Administrator asks the New York dirt contractor for his bid. 
      Without batting an eye, the contractor says, "$27,000."
      The young City Administrator's jaw drops, incredulous, looks at him and says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys!
      How did you come up with such a high figure?"
      "Easy," says the contractor from New York, "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Texas."


      Registration is OPEN for the last 4 Oilfield Appreciation Events!
      Do not miss these opportunities to bring your customers have some Sporting Clay Fun and win some great door prizes! While supporting Oilfield Workers Health, Education and Welfare efforts. 




       

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        Wednesday, June 25, 2014

        Oilfield Joke: Three Drilling Engineers wake up in Mexico....

        Three  Drilling Engineers recently graduated from colleges in Texas and to celebrate their good fortune of landing new jobs in the Eagle Ford Shale, they went down to Mexico one night, got drunk and woke up in jail.

         They found out that they were to be executed for their crimes but none of them could remember what they had done.

         The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. 

         He says, "I am from Baylor, a Baptist University, it is a God fearing School and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." 

         They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and they let him go. 

         The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." 

         The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side and let him go. 

         The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right here and now, that you'll never be able to electrocute anybody if you don't plug this wire into that wall socket over there."

         R.I.P Texas Aggie.....

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        Do not miss these opportunities to bring your customers have some Sporting Clay Fun and win some great door prizes! While supporting Oilfield Workers Health, Education and Welfare efforts. 

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          Info@OilfieldAppreciation.com or by phone at 800-277-1647
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          Wednesday, June 18, 2014

          Oilfield Joke: A Driller's Dog...

          An Oilman heard that a local Drilling contractor had a blue heeler for sale that could talk.  Intrigued, he drove to the contractor's house to investigate. 


           He was met at the yard gate by a blue heeler that said, "Howdy."

          Astonished, the oilman replied, "It's true... You can talk.  Tell me about yourself." 

          The blue heeler said, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I took a job with the drilling contractor as a consultant, got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." 

          The Drilling Contractor came out as the dog was telling his story.  When the dog finished, the Oilman asked the  Contractor what the dog was worth. 

          The contractor said, "I'll be lucky if I can get $10 for him." 

          The Oilman said, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth do you think he's only worth $10?" 

          The contractor replied, "Because the dog is a habitual liar.  

          Just like now, He is lying ... He never worked for the CIA."
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          Registration is OPEN for the last 4 Oilfield Appreciation Events!

          Do not miss these opportunities to bring your customers have some Sporting Clay Fun and win some great door prizes! While supporting Oilfield Workers Health, Education and Welfare efforts. 

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            Info@OilfieldAppreciation.com or by phone at 800-277-1647
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            Thursday, June 12, 2014

            Oilfield Joke: Wildcatter's New Son in Law...

            A successful Wildcatter's daughter married a roughneck and the father had a meeting with his new son-in-law.  "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man.

            "To show how much we care for you, I've made you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go out into the patch every day and learn the operations."

            The roughneck interrupted, "I hate just driving around.  I can't stand the lack of dangerous activity."

            "I see," replied the father-in-law.  "Well, then you can work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

            "I hate office work," said the roughneck.  "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

            "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law.  "I just gave you half interest in a profitable business, but you don't like field work and won't work in a office.  What am I going to do with you?"

            "Easy," said the roughneck… "Buy me out."

             Registration is OPEN for the last 4 Oilfield Appreciation Events!
            Do not miss these opportunities to bring your customers have some Sporting Clay Fun and win some great door prizes! While supporting Oilfield Workers Health, Education and Welfare efforts. 


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              Info@OilfieldAppreciation.com or by phone at 800-277-1647
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              Wednesday, June 4, 2014

              Oilfield Joke: Young Salesman goes Golfing...

              A young Oilfield Salesman who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

               Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the
              tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was
              golfing alone.

               Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

               To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the
              ball far but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

               They reached the ninth fairway, and the young salesman found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between his ball and the green.

               After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man
              finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right
              over that tree."

               With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard and hit the ball right smack into the top of the tree trunk, where it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally been.

               The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."
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              Registration is OPEN for the last 4 Oilfield Appreciation Events!
              Do not miss these opportunities to bring your customers have some Sporting Clay Fun and win some great door prizes! While supporting Oilfield Workers Health, Education and Welfare efforts. 



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                Info@OilfieldAppreciation.com or by phone at 800-277-1647
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