Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Oilfield Joke: There Could Be Worse Things in Life...

The oilman was passing by his daughter's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

 Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. 

It was addressed, 'Dad'. 

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands: 

  "Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom. I've been finding real passion with Bubba. He is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of him because of all his piercing's, tattoos, his Motorcycle clothes, and because he is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. I am pregnant. 

Bubba said that we will be very happy. He owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Bubba has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Bubba can get better. He sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren. 

Love, your daughter, Bethany. 

 P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jennifer's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's on the kitchen table. Please call when it is safe for me to come home!"
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2014 Oilfield Appreciation Event Dates & Forms

  • Friday - April 18, 2014 -South Texas - Eagle Ford Shale Sporting Clay Classic at the National Shooting Complex in San Antonio, Texas.>>Brochure<<  >>Online Registration<<


    For more information about Oilfield Appreciation Event Sponsorship and Registrations. 


    Info@OilfieldAppreciation.com or by phone at 800-277-1647

    Thursday, April 3, 2014

    Oilfield Joke: Life Explained...

    On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house, drool, and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

    The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

    So God agreed.

    On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year lifespan."

    The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

    And God agreed.

    On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

    The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

    And God agreed again.

    On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

    But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

    "Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

    So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.

    For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.

    For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

    And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch, drool, and bark at everyone.

    Life has now been explained to you.

    There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm just doing it as a public service.

     Cook Teams, Sponsors and Volunteers do not get left out this year. First Come, First Served. 


    2014 Oilfield Appreciation Sporting Clay Event Dates & Forms

    Call: 800-277-1647 or Email: Info@oilfieldappreciation.com
    • Friday April 18, 2014 -South Texas - Eagle Ford Shale Sporting Clay Classic at the National Shooting Complex in San Antonio, Texas. >>Brochure<<  >>Online Registration<<

      For more information about Oilfield Appreciation Event Sponsorship and Registrations. 

      Info@OilfieldAppreciation.com or by phone at 800-277-1647

      Friday, March 28, 2014

      Oilfield Joke: An Oilman Buys Some Cattle...

      A West Texas oilman wanted to try his hand at buying and selling cattle. At a livestock sale he bought 100 head of steers that averaged right at $500 per head.  

      Part of the deal was that the rancher would haul them to the Oilman’s pens the next day. 

      The rancher delivered the cattle and told the Oilman, “I’ve got some bad news.  There’s only 98 head on the truck.  Two head got struck by lightning last night.”

      After a moment of deep thought, the Oilman said, “If I'm going to come out on this deal, I'm going to have make those dead steers bring something.  Would you haul them over here so I can raffle them off ?” 

      Incredulous, the rancher said, “You can’t raffle off dead steers.”

      “Sure I can… I just won’t tell anyone they’re dead,” said the oilman.

      A month later, the rancher saw the oilman and asked, “What happened with the dead steers?"

      “Just like I said… I raffled them off.  I sold 100 tickets for $20 each and made $930 on the deal,” smiled the oilman.

      “Didn’t anyone complain?” asked the rancher.

      “Just the guy who won the raffle…  So I gave him his money back plus $50 for his trouble,” said the oilman.


      REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN
        
      Cook Teams, Sponsors and Volunteers do not get left out this year. First Come, First Served. 
        

      Benefiting Oilfield Families Health, Education and Welfare Programs 

      • May 23, 2014 - North Texas - Barnett Shale Sporting Clay Classic at Alpine Shooting Range in Fort Worth, Texas.

         


      2014 Oilfield Appreciation Event Dates & Forms

      • LAST CALL FOR TEAMS......April 18, 2014 -South Texas - Eagle Ford Shale Sporting Clay Classic at the National Shooting Complex in San Antonio, Texas. >>Brochure<<  >>Online Registration<<

        For more information about Oilfield Appreciation Event Sponsorship and Registrations. 


        Info@OilfieldAppreciation.com or by phone at 800-277-1647

        For 2014 We Welcome our Gusher Sponsors! 
        http://www.aesfluids.com/

        http://forbesenergyservices.com/


        http://greenwellsolutions.com/

        Friday, March 21, 2014

        Oilfield Joke: Drilling Engineer from Texas goes to....

        A very loud Drilling Engineer from Texas was visiting Australia, and talking big about all of the large oil and gas projects in the USA that he was involved in. 

        To be polite his Australian counterpart took him on a tour of some of Sydney’s larger construction projects.

        First he took him to Gladesville Bridge. The Texan exclaimed, "What’s that!” In reply the Australian said, "Thats the Gladesville Bridge".

        "Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, "About 5 years with 1000 men."

        The Texan replied, "Well in Texas we would've done it in 2 years with 500 men."

        Next they went to the Sydney Opera House. "What's that" said the Texan. "That's the Sydney Opera House" was the reply.
        "Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, "About 10 years with 200 men". 

        The Texan replied "Well in Texas we would've done it in 4 years with 200 men."

        By this stage the Australian was a little put out by the Texan's attitude so he decided to get some revenge, they walked around the Sydney Opera House and as they did the Sydney Harbor Bridge came into view.

        Immediately the Texan exclaimed, "Wow! What's that?"

        The Australian Engineer replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."

        REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN
          
        Cook Teams, Sponsors and Volunteers do not get left out this year. First Come, First Served. 
          

        Benefiting Oilfield Families Health, Education and Welfare Programs 

        • May 23, 2014 - North Texas - Barnett Shale Sporting Clay Classic at Alpine Shooting Range in Fort Worth, Texas.

          


        2014 Oilfield Appreciation Event Dates & Forms

        • LAST CALL FOR TEAMS......April 18, 2014 -South Texas - Eagle Ford Shale Sporting Clay Classic at the National Shooting Complex in San Antonio, Texas. >>Brochure<<  >>Online Registration<<

          For more information about Oilfield Appreciation Event Sponsorship and Registrations. 


          Info@OilfieldAppreciation.com or by phone at 800-277-1647

          For 2014 We Welcome our Gusher Sponsors! 
          http://www.aesfluids.com/

          http://forbesenergyservices.com/


          http://greenwellsolutions.com/

          Wednesday, March 12, 2014

          Oilfield Joke: Well Service Contractor's Hiring Woes....

          A Well Service Contractor was always looking for qualified people. 

          Frustrated by the lack of candidates that could pass the hiring process for one reason or another, he decided to lower the standards in order to get some hands hired. 

          The oilfield had been good to him, as he and his wife lived in a wealthy neighborhood. So, he decided to use his home for motivating the new prospective hires to what they could achieve with hard work. 

          The contractor chose his first prospect and instructed him to come to his house the next day. 

          When the prospect arrived. The contractor gave him his first test. 

          He told the prospect that he would pay him to paint his porch. 

           When the contractor asked him to quote the job, the prospect said, "How about 50 dollars?" The contractor agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage.

           The contractor's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

           The contractor replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch." 

          A short time later, the prospect came to the door to collect his money. 

          "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the prospect answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. 

          "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket and gave the prospect the $50. 

          "And by the way," the prospect added, 

          "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
          ---------------------------------------------------------------------

          Registration is Now Open for the Barnett Shale - North Texas Sporting Clay Classic. 

          Do not miss this great event to bring your customer to!


          • May 23, 2014 - North Texas - Barnett Shale Sporting Clay Classic at Alpine Shooting Range in Fort Worth, Texas.




          Big Thank You to our newest Gusher Level Sponsor! 


                                                     http://greenwellsolutions.com/





          2014 Oilfield Appreciation Event Dates & Forms


            For more information about Oilfield Appreciation Event Sponsorship and Registrations. 


            Info@OilfieldAppreciation.com or by phone at 800-277-1647

            Wednesday, March 5, 2014

            Oilfield Joke: Oilman's Son Goes to College...

            The years had passed by and it was time for the oil man to send his son off to college.  He told the boy, "Son, you can take the old blue pickup.  Its not fancy, but its dependable.  And take ol' Jake... That crazy dog will keep you company. 

             He's always in my way and follows me everywhere I go, even when I go to town."His son took to college life like a duck to water.  
            Within 45 days, he had partied away all the money that was supposed to last the whole semester.  In a bind, the boy called his father... "Dad, you won't believe this.  One of my professors says Jake is so smart that he can teach him to talk.  But it will cost $1,000.00 for his time.

            Being as astute businessman, the oil man quickly grasped the fact that a dog that could talk would be worth $millions.  "Son, I'll send you a check today."

            After another month and a lot of partying, the boy was broke again.  So he called his father again, "Dad, that professor has Jake talking like he's been doing it all his life.  And get this... For another $1,000, the professor thinks he can teach him to read."

            Now, a dog that can talk and read if worth a lot more than a dog that can just talk and the oil man realized this.  "Son, I'll send you another check today."

            By the time the boy had blown the $1,000, it was time for the Thanksgiving break, so with a lot of misgivings, he started home.  About 100 miles from the house, his fertile mind came up with a strategy that he hoped would save his life. 

            He called his dad from his cell phone... "Dad, Jake and I are a couple of hours away.  But there's a problem... As we were going down the road, out of the blue, Ol' Jake looked up from the newspaper he was reading and told me he was really going to be glad to get home so he could tell Mom about all those other women he's seen you with."

            There was a moment of dead silence and then the oil man said, "Son, you listen to me and do exactly what I tell you... Pull over, throw that dog out of the pickup, and then you shoot that lying dog."


            Registration is Now Open for the Barnett Shale - North Texas Sporting Clay Classic. 

            Do not miss this great event to bring your customer to!


            • May 23, 2014 - North Texas - Barnett Shale Sporting Clay Classic at Alpine Shooting Range in Fort Worth, Texas.




            Big Thank You to our Gusher Level Sponsor! 


                                                       http://greenwellsolutions.com/

            2014 Oilfield Appreciation Event Dates & Forms


              For more information about Oilfield Appreciation Event Sponsorship and Registrations. 


              Info@OilfieldAppreciation.com or by phone at 800-277-1647